Analects 15.8 · Wei Ling Gong
“Failing to speak with someone worth speaking with is to lose the person; speaking with someone not worth speaking with is to waste your words.”
Meaning, context, and how to apply it today
可與言而不與之言 失人 不可與言而與之言 失言 (kě yǔ yán ér bù yǔ zhī yán, shī rén, bù kě yǔ yán ér yǔ zhī yán, shī yán) means “Failing to speak with someone worth speaking with is to lose the person; speaking with someone not worth speaking with is to waste your words.” It is a passage from the Analects of Confucius, Book 15 (Wei Ling Gong), Chapter 8.
可與言而不與之言 失人 不可與言而與之言 失言
- Pinyin
- kě yǔ yán ér bù yǔ zhī yán, shī rén, bù kě yǔ yán ér yǔ zhī yán, shī yán
- Translation
- Failing to speak with someone worth speaking with is to lose the person; speaking with someone not worth speaking with is to waste your words.
- Source
- Analects, Book 15 (Wei Ling Gong), Chapter 8
What does this passage mean?
In Wei Ling Gong, losing the person means missing a relationship or opportunity by remaining silent when speech was appropriate; losing the words means speaking mistakenly when silence was appropriate. The teaching concerns the wisdom to judge both the right audience and the right moment for communication. It reaches its conclusion in the following sentence.
How can we apply it today?
In business, relationships, and ordinary life, knowing when to say what to whom is a central ability. Failing to give important feedback at the proper time loses an opportunity; sharing information with an unsuitable person creates a problem. The judgment is even more important in digital communication. Before pressing send, ask once, “Should I say this to this person?”
Questions to reflect on
- ·Have you lost a relationship or opportunity by failing to speak?
- ·When have you regretted speaking?
- ·Do you judge the timing of communication well?
Character-by-character breakdown
| Character | Pinyin | Meaning | Strokes | Radical |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 可 | kě | right | 5 | 口 (mouth) |
| 與 | yǔ | associate with | 14 | 臼 (mortar) |
| 言 | yán | speech | 7 | 言 (speech) |
| 而 | ér | and; but | 6 | 而 (and) |
| 不 | bù | not | 4 | 一 (one) |
| 與 | yǔ | associate with | 14 | 臼 (mortar) |
| 之 | zhī | go; possessive particle | 4 | 丿 (slash) |
| 言 | yán | speech | 7 | 言 (speech) |
| 失 | shī | lose | 5 | 大 (big) |
| 人 | rén | person | 2 | 人 (person) |
| 不 | bù | not | 4 | 一 (one) |
| 可 | kě | right | 5 | 口 (mouth) |
| 與 | yǔ | associate with | 14 | 臼 (mortar) |
| 言 | yán | speech | 7 | 言 (speech) |
| 而 | ér | and; but | 6 | 而 (and) |
| 與 | yǔ | associate with | 14 | 臼 (mortar) |
| 之 | zhī | go; possessive particle | 4 | 丿 (slash) |
| 言 | yán | speech | 7 | 言 (speech) |
| 失 | shī | lose | 5 | 大 (big) |
| 言 | yán | speech | 7 | 言 (speech) |
Frequently asked questions
Q. What does “Failing to speak with someone worth…” mean?
可與言而不與之言 失人 不可與言而與之言 失言 (kě yǔ yán ér bù yǔ zhī yán, shī rén, bù kě yǔ yán ér yǔ zhī yán, shī yán) means “Failing to speak with someone worth speaking with is to lose the person; speaking with someone not worth speaking with is to waste your words.” It comes from the Analects, Book 15 (Wei Ling Gong), Chapter 8.
Q. Where does this passage appear in the Analects?
It is Analects 15.8: Book 15 (Wei Ling Gong), Chapter 8.
Q. How can this teaching be applied today?
In business, relationships, and ordinary life, knowing when to say what to whom is a central ability.