Analects 4.18 · Li Ren
“When serving your parents, remonstrate gently. If they do not follow your counsel, remain respectful and do not disobey; though troubled, do not resent them.”
Meaning, context, and how to apply it today
事父母幾諫 見志不從 又敬不違 勞而不怨 (shì fù mǔ jī jiàn, jiàn zhì bù cóng, yòu jìng bù wéi, láo ér bù yuàn) means “When serving your parents, remonstrate gently. If they do not follow your counsel, remain respectful and do not disobey; though troubled, do not resent them.” It is a passage from the Analects of Confucius, Book 4 (Li Ren), Chapter 18.
事父母幾諫 見志不從 又敬不違 勞而不怨
- Pinyin
- shì fù mǔ jī jiàn, jiàn zhì bù cóng, yòu jìng bù wéi, láo ér bù yuàn
- Translation
- When serving your parents, remonstrate gently. If they do not follow your counsel, remain respectful and do not disobey; though troubled, do not resent them.
- Source
- Analects, Book 4 (Li Ren), Chapter 18
What does this passage mean?
This passage from Li Ren describes a concrete practice of filial devotion. Gentle remonstrance means offering counsel subtly and respectfully. When parents are wrong, a devoted child neither ignores the matter nor attacks them directly, but speaks with care. Even if they refuse the advice, the child does not abandon respect or become resentful. This is not blind obedience but filial devotion expressed through respect and communication.
How can we apply it today?
Disagreement with parents is natural. Modern filial devotion should mean honest communication grounded in respect, not unconditional submission. We can gently discuss a habit harmful to a parent’s health or a view no longer suited to the times, and still refrain from an emotional reaction if they do not accept our words. This is the posture of a mature adult child.
Questions to reflect on
- ·How do you communicate when you disagree with your parents?
- ·Can you speak honestly while preserving respect?
- ·What do you feel when they do not accept your view?
Character-by-character breakdown
| Character | Pinyin | Meaning | Strokes | Radical |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 事 | shì | serve | 8 | 亅 (hook) |
| 父 | fù | father | 4 | 父 (father) |
| 母 | mǔ | mother | 5 | 毋 (do not) |
| 幾 | jī | gently | 12 | 幺 (short thread) |
| 諫 | jiàn | remonstrate | 16 | 言 (speech) |
| 見 | jiàn | see | 7 | 見 (see) |
| 志 | zhì | intention | 7 | 心 (heart) |
| 不 | bù | not | 4 | 一 (one) |
| 從 | cóng | follow | 11 | 彳 (step) |
| 又 | yòu | again | 2 | 又 (again) |
| 敬 | jìng | respect | 13 | 攴 (tap) |
| 不 | bù | not | 4 | 一 (one) |
| 違 | wéi | violate | 13 | 辵 (walk) |
| 勞 | láo | labor | 12 | 力 (power) |
| 而 | ér | and; but | 6 | 而 (and) |
| 不 | bù | not | 4 | 一 (one) |
| 怨 | yuàn | resent | 9 | 心 (heart) |
Frequently asked questions
Q. What does “When serving your parents, remonstrate…” mean?
事父母幾諫 見志不從 又敬不違 勞而不怨 (shì fù mǔ jī jiàn, jiàn zhì bù cóng, yòu jìng bù wéi, láo ér bù yuàn) means “When serving your parents, remonstrate gently. If they do not follow your counsel, remain respectful and do not disobey; though troubled, do not resent them.” It comes from the Analects, Book 4 (Li Ren), Chapter 18.
Q. Where does this passage appear in the Analects?
It is Analects 4.18: Book 4 (Li Ren), Chapter 18.
Q. How can this teaching be applied today?
Disagreement with parents is natural.Modern filial devotion should mean honest communication grounded in respect, not unconditional submission.